Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
