I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
