the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
