i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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