Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
