I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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