I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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