im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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