Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
