Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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