Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
