I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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