ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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