So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize