you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
