The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
