There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
