I hate all girls vehemently.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm always down for nudity.
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