Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
