I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
