just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
