On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
