False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
