Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
