Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
