Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
