Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
