dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
