I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
