dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
