This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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