Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
