i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
