Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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