So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
