so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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