Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
