I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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