Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
