three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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