seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
