I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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