Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
