i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
