3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
