i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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