put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
