i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
