I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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