I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
