Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
