I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
