IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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