I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
