Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
