The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
