I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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