You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
