Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
