right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
