Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
