cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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