i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
