I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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