i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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