He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
