I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
