I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
