She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
