We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
