oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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