College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
